Since the immense success of his novel The list of my desires, Grégoire Delacourt is considered a writer whose books do good. Yet he himself bears a terrible injury, the sexual assault inflicted on him by his father when he was only 5 years old and which he reveals in a moving story The Repaired Child. And despite the silence, even the denial, which still prevails in this kind of drama within families, Grégoire Delacourt bore the scars of the outrage done to the child he had been …
“I suffered over 55 years. I was someone who suffered a lot. Who had a permanent stomach ache, who had great heartbreaks, says the writer. I realized that in all my books there were elements that came up often: a child rushed, a mother in withdrawal, a very absent father … There were permanence and I tried to link it all. . “
In contact with a psychologist, Grégoire Delacourt “gave birth to this repaired child”. “It was me. I understood that it had been devoured, that it had been damaged a very long time ago. My suffering and my deep sorrow came from that. We know intimately what was done to you”, he said.
Before dying, Grégoire Delacourt’s father said to him: “I beg your pardon, I am ashamed”. He, today, says he does not feel ashamed but feels sadness. “Shame is a very hard feeling and it took me a long time to get over it. I am infinitely sad that my father did that, that he cannot explain himself. I am not in the idea. forgiveness. We are no longer there and we cannot forgive someone who is no longer there. But I am very deeply sad. Because it is something that makes you dirty. And being dirty when you are child it is something unthinkable. I can’t forgive this.“
Understanding your mother
Grégoire Delacourt is convinced today that his mother knew and that what he had long considered to be a lack of love in her was the greatest mark of maternal affection. “Around 5-6 years old she took me away. She pulled me away from a man’s arms. She did everything she could so that every weekend I wasn’t there. So that I am not there during the holidays. I went to boarding school very early, at 10 years old. I thought she didn’t love me. I suffered from a void of love. My mother had the intelligence to move me away to protect me. I understood it very late and I couldn’t tell him. But I hope there’s somewhere she knows I love her“.
In his book, Grégoire Delacourt also revisits his adult career in the light of the drama of his childhood … The mistakes of his love life, his flaws, his weaknesses but also the meetings that save like that of the woman who shares today its days and nights … “Without my wife I wouldn’t have written. I would not have tried to understand. It’s hard to live with someone who doesn’t love themselves, who suffers, who gets lost sometimes … “She knew before me, he writes.” I’m sure she knew, he reveals. he. She didn’t tell me about it, but she knew it was all about that. She felt it. I say in the book that mothers and lovers alike sense the rain. And she knew where it had rained on my life and she waited patiently “.
More than a simple testimony, Grégoire Delacourt, faithful to his status as a writer, delivers here a literary story of overwhelming beauty.
“The Repaired Child” by Grégoire Delacourt